You're too Hard on Yourself

            I believe that this is the case for most people who struggle to be happy and do right by themselves. We set too high standards and can’t help but criticize ourselves when we can’t reach those ideals. Of course, in setting goals we are trying to be better, which is a good thing, but we go about it all wrong. Instead of embracing who we are and bettering ourselves to make ourselves happier, we try to better ourselves because we think we’re not good enough the way we are. This is the lie that stands in the way of happiness.

            So how do we conquer our problems? Well, that word “problem” is one of our biggest enemies. This is a word that needs to be erased from the dictionary when we think about ourselves. Be honest, do you use the word “problem” a lot when you think about your habits? How many of us have a “weight problem,” “shopping problem” or “cleaning problem?” Another trouble word is “fix.” We are all trying to “fix” ourselves instead of healing, improving and honoring ourselves. By using words like these, we are whispering to ourselves “you are not good enough and your struggles are more than you can overcome.”

            It may sound silly, but simply removing words like “problem” and “fix” from your mentality is a huge step in the right direction. This seems like such a small thing, but it is rather hard if you’ve been doing it for most of your life. So just be easy on yourself. Now, let’s try putting this idea into context.

 Like many people, I struggle with weight loss. Currently, I’m about 100 lbs over a healthy weight for someone my height and age. For years, I have tried dieting with little success. This is because I’ve been thinking of my weight as a problem and have used it as a way to judge myself. It has been a barrier that keeps other people and good things out, while keeping the negative in. All because somewhere along the way, I’ve incorrectly learned that I am not deserving of happiness.

I thought that if I could lose weight, it would somehow “fix” me and make me more worthy. This idea is crazy, even though so many of us believe it. With that in mind, I would obsess about how much weight I needed to lose and how great it would be to lose it in this ridiculous, impossibly short period of time. So I’d start a really unhealthy diet of extremely low amount of calories each day (like 1000-1200).

For a short period of time, I’d always keep up the diet, and feel good about reaching the goals I had set and seeing the numbers go down on the scale. But I had set myself up for failure. Not only is it difficult for my body to survive on this diet, but it is impossible for me to maintain because I haven’t built up enough self-discipline. The other day, I found myself about to repeat this same process when I suddenly realized the insanity of what I’ve been doing.

So how can I better this situation? Thankfully, having worked through many other struggles and changing other aspects of my life, I have learned that the best strategy is to simply be good to myself. Instead of setting unrealistic goals, I can recognize my own patterns and replace my bad habits with opportunities for success. I’ll be talking about just how I’m doing this in a future post.

If you’re too hard on yourself, chances are, my own struggles are a familiar echo. I encourage you to stop reading this for a moment to enjoy how it feels to know you are not struggling alone. Most of us feel trapped inside ourselves. We only have our own eyes to see the world from and it is easy to feel like you are all alone staring out your window. This blog is proof that you are not alone. It is proof that you care enough about yourself to look for help and find others that you can support and can support you. You’ve already made a step in the right direction. You might be too hard on yourself, but at least you’ve done one thing to be good to yourself. This is the truth that is the path to happiness.

P.S.

You’re standing at the start of that path.